The nips don’t lie.

Kim Kardashian launched her latest product — the Skims Ultimate Nipple Bra ($62) — on October 31st, and it is safe to say that fans were shocked at the eye-popping design, which also served as a PSA on global warming with 10% of sales going towards 1% for the Planet, a network that supports environmental organizations.

The bra is a cheeky twist on the shapewear company’s loved push-up bra ($54) and comes fully loaded with two rock-hard built-in nipples that would send a chill down anyone’s spine.

Call it curiosity, but I simply had to try the product out for myself — especially after the style sold out in less than 48 hours. So I took my nips (or should I say Kim’s nips?) for a whirl around the Big Apple.

To set the scene, I am a 5’1″ girl with rather “fun-sized” boobs, so my weariness going into this trial was high. When I put the bra on I was surprised by the immediate comfort; the fabric was soft and breathable while keeping my girls very supported.

Our brave Page Six reporter flaunted the latest eye-popping innovative bra from Kim Kardashian’s Skims brand.

However, I was taken aback by my image in the mirror as it seemed my tiny but mighty girls had jumped to a D cup in no time at all. The push-up in the bra is hefty and added a lot of plumpness that really made the nipples stand out.

While first putting on my top, I thought, “Oh! This isn’t too crazy!” but soon after the temporary boob lift wore off I began to only see two things: nipple 1 and nipple 2.

This bra is not for the faint of heart, so to speak, and I would only recommend it for those who are ready to fearlessly walk with their chest out loud and proud.

And she freed the nipples on the mean streets of NYC, turning heads with her headlights.

I found that trying to find a happy medium wasn’t going to happen, it was all nip all the time — even through the multiple layers I was wearing.

Leaving my house, I felt bold and busty as I made my way to the subway. I could sense the confusion on the tired faces across from me, but no one dared to address the elephant — er, nipples — in the room.

Do hard nipples count as workplace attire? Yes, that’s right, I dared to wear my nipple bra to the office. With fear deep in my bosom, I marched into work ready to see a few deer-in-headlight looks at my, well, headlights.

For most of the day I forgot about the nipples completely, but with the occasional questioning from my work pals of, “Oh! I thought maybe you were really cold…” I was brought back to reality. No matter what angle I turned, the nipples in their oddly symmetric shaping and placement followed.

Out on the mean streets of midtown NYC was where things began to get dicey. In a new outfit for my after-work drinks, I headed back into the city and was utterly shocked at the comments I received from passersby, with one man yelling, “You look beautiful” followed by a wink.

I think if this bra has taught me anything, it’s that women’s objectification is not on the decline.

The design may make some chuckle, but Kim Kardashian is laughing to the bank as the style sold out in less than 48 hours.
SKIMS
Kardashian debuted the nipple-baring version of her Ultimate Push-up Bra in a tongue-in-cheek video.
SKIMS

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Would I wear this bra again? No. If I am going to free the nipple, then I will be freeing my own. The bras felt too machine-made and unrealistic to the actual sizing and intricacy of actual nipples.

Secondly, I felt like an imposter in this bra; these boobs were not my size and the nipples were not my nipples — it didn’t feel authentic. All of this being said, I support the messaging that this bra encourages, which is that women should not fear their breasts or be afraid to go nips out because of societal standards. I also think that this bra could be really empowering for women who have survived breast cancer or for those who are transitioning.

So, no, the nipple bra isn’t a total bust (no pun intended), but it isn’t for me.

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